The Morning After Break

It’s just after 8am and I already feel like a fatigued ball of spaghetti noodles.  I’m currently in a mental place between being totally numb and ugly crying.  But I try to posture toward totally numb for as long as I can.  Why?  Because I am a wife and a mother.  If I fall apart, it’ll make everything ‘not okay.’  Which everything is okay—in a nobody’s dying or going to jail kind of way.  We are happy, healthy, have clothes, food and a home.  We have much to be thankful for.

But we had a morning that we were kind’ve expecting, but were hoping wasn’t going to happen.  Today is Tuesday.  The day after Labor Day and the day when school starts back up again after a week long break from school.  We really did have a couple great days during the break.    We took CJ shopping for a new toy, took him out to dinner, to the library, and had an afternoon out for ice cream.  My favorite was the dinner.  CJ was SO happy.  As parents, one of the most joyful accomplishments is to see your child happy.  Not in a materialistically driven kind of way.  But a genuine, FULL OF JOY kind of happiness.  We live for it.

But, there were a handful of days where we couldn’t go out and CJ was in his room, free to watch tv, play games or visit with our pet cat.  Sometimes he gets bored and will take a nap.  We try to avoid this because it disrupts his bedtime schedule.

Yesterday was a busy day for us.  He took a nap.  Not good because school was tomorrow.  It wasn’t a long nap, but it was enough.

So my husband Chris, who’s a night owl, woke me up at 12:30am to tell me that CJ was still awake.  He told me he was hyper and partying with no signs of falling asleep soon, despite giving him 3mg of melatonin.  Oh no.

He also wanted to tell me to wake him up in the morning if I have any problems getting our CJ ready for school since he will most likely be tired which can ignite a meltdown.

Of course I watched CJ on the monitor until he finally fell asleep, which was about 1:30am.

So morning comes and I put my happy, low-volumed voice on to gently wake him up.  To point out that his brother has to go to school too and that he has chocolate chip waffles (GF of course) , CBD gummy bears and lemon water waiting for him on the table.  Some of his favorites.  I also gave him some berry flavored B-12 “yummy wake up spray.”  All was going well.  He was clearly tired but not upset.  He fully cooperated as I helped him get dressed.  He was even laughing while I brushed his teeth.  Phew.  Maybe we’ve diverted any kind of meltdown with talks of fall and how I was gonna start making him pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and pumpkin pie.  And his favorite, apple pie.  “I will make anything your heart desires CJ.”

All was going well.  My energy toward positive thoughts seemed to be working.  Then his van for school pulls up, we grab his backpack and we’re ready to go.

As we were walking toward his van, he hits himself in the head once with a quick growl.  “It’s okay CJ!  It’s a short week and I’ll have strawberries and blueberries waiting for you when you get home.”

He gets in the van and his agitation starts to escalate.  The driver starts to ask me what she should do if there’s a situation.  We try to talk and read minds at the same time because we don’t want to say anything that could further agitate him.  He starts to calm down and puts his seatbelt on.  All is good.  “It will be a good day, “ I say.  “I love you CJ!”

I close the door and off they go.

Okay, time now for me to change the baby’s diaper and take the 14 year to school before he's late.

(2 minutes later)

CJ’s van pulls back in our driveway.  FULL-ON Meltdown.  I see the poor driver lady had fear in her eyes.  I get Chris and he goes out to try and calm CJ down.  Instructs him to take off his shoes while he thrashes around, kicking a screaming.

I start to pack up to take the other one to school.  Chris motions me the go ahead.  He is now trying to get CJ off the van.  It is definitely a no-go for the van today.  Something we said we wouldn’t want to do because we don’t want to reinforce that behavior for every time he doesn’t feel like going to school.  But CJ needed to get it out, in his room, in his bed where everyone is safe.  Especially because the van was set to pick up another student after CJ.   So this morning, Chris went with safe and took him off the bus.

Lots of thoughts go through our minds in a short amount of time.  All without proper caffeination. ;). And lots of thoughts go through our mind well after too.  But at least everyone is safe and we will
move forward with our next plan.  One day at a time, one moment at a time.